Black on Barbed Wire

Little black feet pace along

the barbed wire fence.

The only thing scarier than death

is the crack of a whip.

Stepping between the pointed edges,

Swiftly, cautiously running;

The thin wire shakes under his weight;

he pushes on.

The sweat running down his back

burning his sores,

streaming between old and new cuts;

a New Life awaits.

Dreams begin to become a reality.

But the fence, with the barbed wire

stretches outward indefinitely.

The little black feet tire,

and become clumsy on the thin wire.

Shaking, he cries for help,

silently he misses a step

and falls toward despair.

So I woke up happy today. haha.

When did life get so busy?!

So it seems like I go from one week of absolutely nothing to the next week doing so much. Last week I had a ton of free time, napped every day, and took time for myself. This week, there hasn't been a wink of that. I promised myself not to pick up as many shifts for work, but instead I ended up working so many more. I'm going to working some Thursdays and Fridays this month- usually my days off, on top of all the other days I work. I just can't seem to convince myself during our meeting that working too much is killing me. Oh well. Someone remind me next semester when I'm taking five hundred classes? So then I have a concert tomorrow. My first ever Hall Auditorium concert! I'm kind of psyched. I wish people were coming to see it though. It seems like everyone's busy. Blah. Stupid boring busy people. Then I also had to hang up posters for that, so that took up a lot of my free time. Then, on top of all that, I practiced piano for two hours every day for our test this week. I'm pretty sure I got a B on it, but since I got an A on the last test, I really shouldn't worry about it. It's a one credit course, and I've got more important things to worry about. I'm at least happy to get a B, since I was expecting a C. I've been dealing with scheduling and figuring things out for next semester. I'm applying for this urban internship thing, which is really exciting, because I can stay in Ohio, make money, and learn a ton about the real world, both on the internship and service side of things within an urban community. I got an A on my English exam. It's funny that I call this English class, since it's the first time I've only had one English all throughout college. Next semester I'm going to have three or four. And it's going to be way exciting. I still have a lot of my major classes to take, because of this semester and the fact that I'm only taking one. Blahhh! I don't even know what this semester is doing for me. I'm taking two Miami Plan courses, one English, five music, and two theatre classes. Theatre and music aren't really required, so I'm sort of wasting most of my time this semester, as I've done with past semesters. But I love everything I'm doing, so it's probably not going to change. haha. Next semester is crazy. I'm going to be taking 3-4 English classes, 2-3 of which with the same teacher, 3-4 Music Classes (since music theory has changed to 8am, i'll be taking that). Steel band, since I love playing sooo much. Then sightsinging. I'm not sure if I'm taking piano next semester or not, because I'm not sure if it will fit into my schedule. I really feel like I can't give it up, though, because I love being able to play way too much! Where is this even going? Blahhhhh. I'm procrastinating, if you can't tell. haha. I'll be hopefully taking Geography next semester. That and Latin will be my toughest classes. So yay! So at most, I'll be taking 25 credit hours (12 English, 6 Music, 3 Latin, 3 Geography, and 1 for the Urban Leadership Internship), but hopefully I'll figure out what to take and what not to take and how to work all this out. Because 25 credits is not going to work. I failed at life with 22. So blah. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. It's funny that I can do 25 credit hours without having a class (besides steel band) after 3:30 and only one class on Fridays from 8-8:50. So maybe since I won't be taking lessons, 25 credits isn't actually that big of a deal. I don't actually do homework during the day, so it sounds completely doable. But I'm going to get back to my homework. Bye!

National Day of Writing

So today is the national day of writing. I thought I'd honor it to reflect myself as a writer.

One thing I've been doing lately is writing before Econ class. I wake up the same time every day (7:43). I have econ at 9:05 mwf, and sightsinging at 8 tr. So I catch the 8:11 bus on MWF and have a nice relaxing wake up ride for twenty minutes before arriving at the business building (it's a 10 minute walk, but I think the ride really helps me to collect my thoughts, plus it's cold outside). Then I write for a half hour before econ class. This is really the only time in my day that I have to write, so I've been trying to take complete advantage of it. I've been writing a lot of poetry and some play scenes, but not anything musical, for which I'm slightly disappointed. I think it's great, though, that I'm at least doing something and not expecting to be a great musical writer without practice. My poems are very songlike, though they have no music behind them. They're also very musical-theatre esque in their topics and styles.

I'm not really sure what else to say. That's the only kind of writing I do, really. I write a ton of response things for classes, but I don't feel as if I'm getting any better at those. Perhaps I should work on it...

DO Elections

So we held Delta Omicron officer elections last night. I was running against Kristin for Director of Publicity and she was voted into the position. She turned it down, however, because she really wanted historian (another position she was running for). So they had to revote to see if they wanted me to be the position. Being the only person running, I was still turned down for the position. And that really, really hurt. I have no idea why a group love so much hates me or thinks I would do a really bad job at this position, but it really really hurts. I really thought I'd be a great addition to board, and I had so many ideas to bring the group closer, but I got completely shot down. I really wish I had been there for the discussion. Anything they would've said bad about me, I would've tried to explain to them. I honestly didn't realize I was that bad of a person that running by myself I still wouldn't get a position.

I have gotten turned down for almost everything in my entire life. Just in college, I have gotten turned out of Chorale, Symphony Band, being a Soul, an RA, Scholar Leaders, an honors student, and now this. I honestly have no idea what my flaws are that would keep me out of absolutely everything. I know I'm hard on myself, but I really don't think I'm that bad of a person. And I wish someone would tell me what I'm doing wrong. I really want to fix myself to where people like me. I really really do. Because I like people so much. Especially since I love everyone in DO more than I love a lot of people. And no one understands how much DO was the reason I came back to school even though I had no money.

The worst part was I was running against nobody. If I had been running against another, better person in DO, I would've completely understood. But I was running uncontested and I still lost. That shows how much the organization really doesn't like me or think I could contribute. When have I EVER not pulled my weight at anything? I always give everything my absolute all, and I would've done even more with this position. It's all I've wanted since school started. I took two hours to write my letter of intent so that I could sound perfect for the position. I have so much time next semester for it, since I won't be taking lessons, and yet they still think I'm bad for the job.

I know no one reads this, but if you happen to find this, please tell me what makes me such a bad person, so that I can really fix this problem. Because it really hurts.

Unfairness of Life

I really wish I knew why life was so unfair to me. I try really hard to be good at life, and it always seems to backfire. Most people can do so many things and are really good at so many things, and then there's me, who isn't good at anything. I don't ask for much. I just hate that I can't be good at something. I mean, I get decent grades, I play flute at a middle school level now, and I know a few more musicals than I used to. But it seems like so many other people know so much more than I do. I have this new friend, Reina, who knows so much about jazz music and she can play the piano like none other. Plus she's doing like five hundred activities and helping the environment and going to the march this weekend. It's fantastic, and I am highly jealous. We all know about Luke and his ease at life. I met a girl the other day who has 22 credit hours, works 2 jobs- one at a hospital and one at a crisis center for over 60 hours working a week, and she still gets straight As. Why can't I do that? Why am I so limited in what I can do? Why am I learning so little compared to everyone else? What is everyone else doing right that I'm doing wrong?

College is perfect

So college is pretty much perfect. I'm always busy, I'm always trying to get better, and everything is always fun. :D Most of all, I can see the difference between me last year and me this year. Last year, for example, I skipped classes and listened to Luke play the piano all the time, and could never walk home by myself. Now, I have yet to miss class, I never have time to just listen to Luke play, nor am I ever even in the mood, and I'm almost completely fine with walking home by myself. I have more responsibility at work and for once I'm okay with that. I practice flute a lot more, even though it's a lot more frustrating. I also practice piano a lot more. I actually listen to music this year, though not as much as over the summer. I have friends and I don't feel like our relationship/friendship is questionable. I get invited to small get-togethers instead of just big parties. The upperclassmen seem to not look at me just as a little girl. At this rate, I feel fully confident that I will be ready for the real world by next year. I think I'm mostly (mostly being the key word) with being single, even though I miss Jay more than anything. I'm not sure if I've told you guys this, but I'm going to graduate in three years. I don't have the money to go here for four years. So I'm really excited for that. Next year I'm going to be living off campus with Luke, too.

So basically, life is great. :D

Overwelmed

So, as you have probably guessed, I'm doing a lot this semester. Go figure. Well, I have this really cool group project for Theatre Class that will involve meeting with my group once or twice a week for the next two months, working on putting on a play. We're doing Stuff Happens, this super political play about the Iraq war. So I have a TON of stuff to do for that. We legit have to plan everything for the play, do a paper on the literary analysis of the play, get costumes, lighting, sets, everything. It's going to be pretty intense. But I'm excited for it. If only it fit in my schedule. I will make it fit, though. And a lot of things will be done. I'm the one that's going to be doing a lot of extra group work, since I'm just that kind of person.

I'm also the leader of my Econ group. I love econ. I love my teacher. And I love that I've already had the class before. haha. Ryan Cook, someone from MB, is in it, so it's always reassuring to know people. There's just so much that I love about everything.

My latin class is actually pretty hard. Not because the material is hard, but just that you have to memorize endings like it's your job. And I don't really have time in my schedule for it, so I'm really hoping to improve things. I'm really trying to learn latin, because it would help so much with my writing. And since being a writer is still the number one goal of my life, I think that it's important.

Speaking of my writing, I really never have time to write. I practice everything else except for my writing. And that's really got to change. So I'm going to spend some quality time with some form of writing sometime soon. And it'll be glorious.

As for my job, I love student managing. It's absolutely the greatest. I had 24 hours of work this week and only 16 next. My schedule changes up. It's great. I love all of the other student managers, but I wish I ever got to see them. We seem to only pass each other, since we don't really work together. It's slightly depressing.

I'm seeing so much less of my friends this year. During band camp week, I saw a lot of everyone, but now it seems like I only see people if they're in a class with me. It's because I don't sit at the Proctor's table anymore. I just simply don't have the time. I'm actually off Tuesday, though, so that will definitely consist of some Proctor's Table time, though I know that I should be practicing, writing, or reading. Ah the life of ...I'm not even a double major. haha. Fail.

But I do love everything about college. Life is wonderful here- it truly is. <3

I had so much more to blog about, but now I forget.

Ahh, I'm home.

You're probably sick of hearing me say how much I love college, but nothing could ever be more true. Here's my schedule today:

8:00-8:50am Sightsinging and Dictation
8:50-9:30 Breakfast with my sister and friend, Kelli
9:30-10:45 Theatre Class
12:45-11:15 Lunch!
11:15-12:15 Flute Class
12:15-1:15 practice/warm up
1:15-2:05pm Lesson :)
2:05-4:25 practice Steel Band
4:25-5:15 piano class.
5:15-6:00 Dinner
6:00-7:00 ∆O Info Session :)
7:00-7:45 You're Fired for Lara's Bday party
8:15-9:15 Steel Band!
9:15-? Out with my BIG :D :D
?-? Study for my latin quiz!

My schedule is slightly exciting. haha. Friday I have econ, latin, and theory, but we don't really have econ homework or theory homework, so I only have to worry about latin. :-\

First Week plus

Okay, so I've been at college for two weeks now. The first week was filled with working and band parties (plus the band barbeque), but the second week is full of classes. I'm taking 20 credit hours, which is a lot less than 22, but it still feels crazy.

I'm taking music theory and eartraining as always, but I feel like they're two different classes and one thing I was really looking forward to was it being the same class with Davis just five days a week. Ugh. But I guess I'll strive for that next semester. I do love Boge, though. And I absolutely love my class. It's Alex, Ryan, Luke and I all hanging out in a small corner in the back. It's glorious. Sightsinging with Davis might actually kill me, since I'm completely lost already. But I'm going to talk to him after class on Tuesday to ask him if there's any way he could help me.

Lessons/Studio is going to be insane. For studio, I have to know scales, our exercise book, an unaccompanied piece, and a flute choir song piece. I'm really excited for the unaccompanied piece, though, because I feel like part of the studio, unlike last year. For studio, I'm working on this really pretty madrigal. I'm also working on scales and arpeggios. Then I have an etude I'm working on, which is nice, 'cause I actually like my etudes. One thing I need to get better at is my sound. Ugh. And sightreading. I'm really hoping to sightread more this semester.

My piano class is really small. There are only 10 of us, but only 6 of us were there on Thursday because Marching Band had a game to be at. It was really nice. I love playing the piano so much. Again, sightreading sucks! :-\

My theatre class is going to be so fun. I have to read two plays this weekend, though, and that won't be fun. haha. But, I love the people in the class, I absolutely love my teacher, and I'm going to love doing the THE 103 requirement along with it (it's our theatre lab :D).

My English class is going to be interesting. One thing I hate about the english department is that the classes are so big. Especially with the new budget cuts. So our class has 40 people in it and it's supposed to be a small discussion group based off American writings between the two world wars. I have to re-read The Great Gatsby this weekend, which is really exciting, because I love that book. I also really like my teacher. She's little and cute. haha. She's also my academic advisor.

Econ class is really interesting. I love my teacher and I love the way the class works. He picks someone to pick on for a bit and asks them about economics, then comments on people's likes and ums and yeahs (though, we haven't had any um tallies on the board yet, like and yeah are at like 50 haha). The girls say all the likes and the boys say all the yeahs. I haven't gotten the book yet, but I think I'm just going to share with Ryan, because I really don't have much money.

Latin class is going to be my hardest. I'm actually getting tutoring help from the Undergrad Assistant this weekend and hopefully for the rest of the semester. I'm just really nervous. I need a language requirement, but I'm so bad with languages. I like English. It works for me :D

Student Managing takes up pretty much my entire life. I love everyone I've met so far, though. There are 12 of us, and we're all pretty much amazing. The work we do is great, because I don't have to stand in the same area for four hours, and the full timers actually talk to me. Also, the students come to me for questions! YAY! I don't always know the answer, but I'm learning fast.

I have three songs for steel band. Which means I don't meet that often but I still get to be in band! For this week, I have to be there Tuesday from 7:45-8:15, then Thursday from like 8:15-9:15 (the class is an hour and a half long, so they do a song per half hour). So yay! Plus, I lost my mallets at Scott Hall. haha. Someone else in Steel Band found them for me :D And now we're friends! haha. Actually, I should make him PotW :D haha. I don't know what number we're on, though.

This whole peer mentoring program is going crazy, but I love it. I've had dinner with John, lunch with David, and another dinner with Maggie. Then yesterday I took five people out of my ten person group to Bagel and Deli. Maggie, David, Allison, Liz, and Dylan. I love all of them :D So yay!

My musical theatre learning has gone down soooo much. I haven't learned a new musical in ages. I haven't listened to music as much (stupid school time). :-\

The Proctor's table is back up! I haven't had a chance to sit at it for a long period of time, but trust me, I will. haha. I love everyone so much :D I love college. College is absolutely amazing. I love the atmosphere, the people, the classes, the everything. I'm so glad to be back here.